ON BECOMING A BAR MITZVAH
Binyamin ben Yehudah ben Rav
Binyamin (ל˝ז). Benjamin, the
son of Yehudah, the son of Rabbi Walter, blessed be his name. And so the mantle
is laid once again on the shoulders of another treasured soul who has come of
age and joined the Jewish kehelah (our congregational community).
You will pardon me in reviewing (or kvelling, as it is said in Yiddish),
the accomplishments that Ben has demonstrated to us this Shabbat morning.
Just in case somehow you can not tell, I want you to know how hard Ben
has worked to get to this point today. He has sung, or cantilated as we
say, 5 of the 8 Aliyot of this week’s Torah portion in entirety, having
learned over forty lines of Torah as well as the musical trope which is unique
to each word in his lines. He has
also cantilated the whole Haftorah having learned a completely different musical
trope to accomplish this task. He has learned at least two dozen prayers,
chants, and songs which form the core of the three daily Jewish services as well
as those of the Jewish holidays. And, he has delivered his first d’var Torah,
or drash, a traditional teaching and learning commentary on the Torah portion of
the week.
When Ben began his preparations
for this event last year, he begrudgingly struggled with every word, with every
request to practice, with constant repetition, and with the tedium of a slow
meticulous process which seemed endless in length and tiresome in content. At
that time, he and I had a conversation, which I vainly attempted to make into a
pep talk, about the respect that would be his rightful due from the Jewish
community, when the light at the end of the long tunnel was actually his
accomplishment. Needless to say, his
facial expressions and general reluctance to commit to the task at hand, told me
that he wasn’t sure that he could really believe such an adult view of his
charge. He was convinced, in his
heart of hearts, that he was just going to go through the motions, figuratively
kicking and screaming the whole way to the ark, because his parents told him he
had to do it.
I am here to tell you today that I
have watched Ben master each step along this path; and, in accordance, his
personal self esteem has seemed to grow exponentially.
I look at my son and my heart and my soul swell with pride and joy.
What has actually transpired is that the real respect that Ben has
earned, contrary to our initial dialogue, has been self-respect, self-confidence
and self-worth. Ben has always been
an extremely intelligent kid, but he never did know where to put the Jewish part
of his upbringing. Having been
brought up in rural Kentucky, a member of the only Jewish family in many
surrounding counties, Ben, and his sister Ma’ayan, found themselves the only
Jewish children in their respective schools.
I believe that as a parent, one of the most important teachings I can
impart to my children is that not only is it OK to be different; it is what I
expect of them. I never wanted my
children to be walking advertisements for Air Jordan sneakers or for the Nike
swoosh. Being different is good, but
from the start, in reality, my children have had no choice because they were
Jewish individuals in a pronounced non-Jewish world.
The Torah and Haftarah portions
that were Ben’s lot today, talk specifically about the concept of being
different. In particular, they talk
about one’s relationship with other peoples and the humility one must bear in
a natural posture when having to live one’s life in an environment that is not
one’s own, as so many Hawaiian transplants have done when relocating to this
island. We have just finished
celebrating Pesach, Passover, the signature holiday of all Western civilization.
Let us remember the readings of the Haggadah, the prayer book read at
Passover, that say that we were once slaves and strangers in a foreign land,
Egypt. We read this and remember
that poverty of the soul and body can always be our lot.
We are not so far removed that we can ever forget how far man has come on
the path to the free choice of freedom that is embodied in the Passover
celebration revisited annually for the last 2000 years.
For a young person, being
different can take on a completely distinct bent.
Being different is going to a school where “Smart is Cool,
not square”. Being different is
getting straight A’s on your report card because you care enough to apply the
effort. Being different is being
true to yourself in all situations. Surely
the lesson is there for all of us to see and learn; be different and God will
bless you as he certainly has blessed us all this day, in gathering to recognize
this transition that Ben has realized with such graciousness.
And thus, Binyamin ben Yehudah ben
Rav Binyamin (ל˝ז)
becomes a responsible member of the world Jewish community.
This small event yields greater ramifications for his life and gives him
the tools to progress and find his rightful place in the world.
We pray together that as he continues to learn, he will continue to
choose wisely. Amen.
Á propos to this in closing, as Ben ponders moving forward with his life, I can provide all of you with a last measure of Ben’s perspective on his Bar Mitzvah. So, I end with a direct quote Ben left me with a few days ago. He said, "Today I am a man, but tomorrow, tomorrow…………….. ......................I go back to 7th grade." I wish you all a Shabbat Shalom!
By Yehudah Plaut,
May 7, 2005 on the occasion of his son, Ben's, Bar Mitzvah